Baby love!

We have been so blessed throughout this entire pregnancy.  God has provided for us in so many ways.  One of the ways He has provided for Baby Stewart has definitely been through the generosity of our friends and family.  In December, my sweet friends Cameron, Christie, and Alyssa threw a baby shower for our little one.  It was so much fun!  Check out some of these great pictures Christie took:









The food was amazing and everything was beautiful.  Cameron's mom graciously hosted the shower, she also made this sweet diaper cake:



Here are a few (not as nice) pics from my camera too:

In January the excited grandmas-to-be threw us another shower.  It was a sweet time to catch up with old friends!  Thank you Melody for hosting and finding some fun shower games for us to play!

 

blanket crocheted by Nathan's grandmother

Kaye made one of her signature pound cakes:

And Addie even flew in from Georgia:

We are so blessed!

Thanksgiving

Leaving our ultrasound appointment, I felt at peace.  The next week at our high risk appointment I realized what a struggle resting in the knowledge that God was in control  would be.  I guess I'll politely decline to name this doctor's name.  Let's suffice it to say he was horrible and has no business talking to pregnant women who have something wrong with their unborn children-- unfortunately that is his entire business.  Anyone will tell you that a pregnant woman researching potential complications on the internet is a bad idea.  Everything  I read on the internet was more comforting than this doctor.  In fact, if I hadn't read anything before walking into his office I probably would have fallen to pieces after talking with him.  He basically spent several minutes telling us that our baby had a 1 in 300 chance of not even surviving gestation, but if it did there were about 6 other horrendously awful things that were most likely to happen.  He then spent a while discussing the importance of getting an amnio despite the fact that there are no in-utero treatments for any of the complications he discussed with us.  He also did not discuss any of the risks of an amnio.  When I expressed my desire to take a wait and see approach he immediately sent me off for extra blood tests as though I had made some risky choice.  In short, he is a fear-mongering, insurance money grabbing doctor.  I was in tears after this doctor's appointment-- not tears of fear but anger!  He made me so mad!  Needless to say, we did not go back to this doctor.  We found another high-risk doctor who was much more rational and willing to discuss both the chances of complications and the chances of there being no complications.  As much as I loved Dr. Schneider, those monthly visits never came without those whispers and lies that the devil so often likes to spew.  This is what got me through those:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything,
by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." 

~Phil 4:6-7

I think the key to this passage is with thanksgiving.  Peace comes from a thankful heart.  It is easy to pray those quick prayers asking for help or healing, but now I notice that those prayers rarely make me feel any better.  When I pause and reflect on what God has already done, that is when the peace comes.  Suddenly whatever is driving me crazy in that moment is put into perspective.  Also the peace of God isn't something that you just get automatically- only after prayer, petition, and thanksgiving.  Interesting stuff.

After 4 high risk appointments we got the news we knew was coming:  there's nothing wrong with our baby!  He or she is perfect (with all 10 fingers and 10 toes no less)!  What we didn't realize was that we wouldn't have to go back to the high risk doctor anymore.  What an unexpected blessing!  As nice as it was to see our sweet baby's face, the visits were long and the ultrasounds were uncomfortable-  our little one is so stubborn and never cooperated.  I'm pretty sure tamale will have sensitive ears like Nathan.  Baby always hid from the ultrasounds, and it's only been these last couple of visits that they haven't had to chase the baby's heartbeat around with the doppler (presumably because the baby is out of room with nowhere to hide)! 

Here is my favorite shot from our last ultrasound:

Baby's little face smashed up against the uterus sucking on his or her fingers! I love it because you can really tell the difference a month makes.  Check out this similar shot from the month before:

The baby has no fat at all!  And looks a bit creepy and alienish :)

We can't wait for tamale to come on out so we can kiss those sweet chubby cheeks!

Refiner's Fire

As I've previously talked about, I've spent a lot of time meditating on Psalm 139 this pregnancy.  When I last wrote about it on the blog, I knew that I had been struggling with resting in the fact that before our child was even conceived God had numbered his (her??) days.  But I felt that my faith had grown-- I really was resting in the fact that God is doing this thing-- not me or Nathan or my OB. 

The morning I wrote that blog post was also the morning of our 20 week scan.  This is the big one where they count all the fingers and toes and look at the heart and make sure all as well.  Most mom's and dad's may not put a lot of emphasis on that part of the scan, because this is also about the time that they can accurately tell you the gender of your baby.  Nathan and I had already decided we did not want to know if it was a boy or a girl (much to Granny Shirley's chagrin).  As first-time parents we decided that we want to focus on preparing for a baby without getting distracted by pink or blue fun-ness.  We also want a big family, and we know it will serve us well to have all of baby's needs in reusable colors :)

So anyway, back to the scan.  We were both excited to get our fist glimpses of our little baby.  Even though I knew there was a chance that the scan could show some abnormality, it wasn't even a concern for me.  I really was resting in God.  Of course, that first step is often not enough.  There are times when we are tested in our faith-- tested so that our hearts may be revealed, so that we may come out looking more like Christ, so that we may be more deeply rooted in our faith. 

"For You, O God have tested us; you have refined us as silver is refined.

You brought us into the net; You laid affliction on our backs.

You have caused men to ride over our heads; We went through fire 

and through water; But You brought us out to rich fulfillment."

~ Psalm 66:10-12 

Of course, being a child raised in a charismatic church, I can't read this Psalm without also being reminded of this horrific song from 1990-  

Purify my heart

Let me be as gold and precious silver

Purify my heart

Let me be as gold, pure gold

 

Refiner's fire

My heart's one desire

Is to be holy

Set apart for You Lord

I choose to be holy

Set apart for You my Master

Ready to do Your will 

~Brian Doerksen

Now you know I'm not one to hold back my opinions (a state which has been unfortunately heightened during this pregnancy), so I've got to ask: "are you kidding me?"  This song is seared into my head.  When played on Sunday mornings, it was one of those songs that made everyone sway back and forth rhythmically perhaps stifling the urge to join hands and circle 'round a campfire with the hopes of moving on to "Kumbaya My Lord".   Seriously?  Seriously??  I've begun to learn that while being tested by God is a good thing it is not a fun thing or something that makes you feel good at the time.  It certainly doesn't make me want to sway back and forth and put a nice sheen on the hard things that have happened.  Now the end results- what is accomplished through the testing that is what makes me want to sing and shout and jump up and down.  But please, let us banish the idea that being left in a raging fire long enough to melt away our impurities is comforting or pretty. 

So after our ultrasound tech spends an abnormal amount of time counting the fingers and toes on each tiny hand and foot (seriously- I was beginning to wonder if we were missing a few), she tells us that the ventricles in the baby's brain are too big and our doctor will probably want us to go see a specialist.  Surprisingly, this information did not send me to tears; in fact after the ultrasound they took me to do my weight and blood pressure, and my blood pressure was on the low end of normal as always.  I really was resting in the truth that God was in control (Twila Paris... anyone??).  And really, who couldn't be happy after seeing this precious face:

More on our testing/ baby coaster soon...

Long time no post

our awesome gingko and a little bit of the house

So- as with many things I had such good intentions with this blog :)  But life gets in the way sometimes.  I think I skipped the entire 2nd trimester!  Oh well... there has been a lot going on-  most notably buying our first house. 

the bump on Turkey Day

Nathan and bump on Christmas Day.

Since moving in two months ago, we've hosted family Thanksgiving & family Christmas! 




There has been a lot of effort going into unpacking boxes and making our new house feel homey.  I had just forgotten how hard it was for us to get used to our first Memphis home after leaving our cozy Columbus loft when it was time to pack up and move on once more.  Even after 2 months Nathan and I occasionally look at each other and say "does this feel like our house?" "no... not yet"!  Alas, once the Christmas decorations come down I think I'll have more motivation to finish the task of actually decorating the house, and perhaps that will help.  And we are happy to report that we've given all our moving boxes away and have no plans to be packing up again any time soon! 


The second trimester also happened to be when we joined our new church home.  We are excited to have that area of our life settled in again, and we are enjoying the challenging teachings and true fellowship.  We've plugged in with a great small group, and I am enjoying my weekly discipleship group as well (plus we meet at Chick-fil-a and what pregnant lady doesn't love that?). 

Holidays, houses, and happy church times aren't all that have been keeping us busy though-  this pregnancy has been taking us for a crazy ride... I promise more on that very soon!

Happy New Year!

Spreading the Word

So there were a lot of things that pregnancy has brought on that I wasn't prepared for (more on some of those later), but there was one emotion that caught me completely by surprise-- feeling ineffectual.  I guess other mommies can attest to the fear that comes with being pregnant.  That is a spiritual battle.  For a solid month I quoted "For God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind" (2 Tim 1:7) over and over in my head.  I feel like during pregnancy you are acutely aware of how fragile life is.  The thing that I struggled with the most is there is absolutely nothing I can do to change that.  You can do everything "right" and still have things go terribly "wrong"-- no amount of prenatals, resting, or yoga will alter God's plan for you and your baby.   

For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.

 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.

My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them. 

Psalm 139:13-16

With all of that in mind, it was incredibly challenging deciding when to share our secret.  Those who know me well may be shocked to find out that I didn't even tell my mom for 3 whole weeks!  It was SO hard.

Once Nathan and I knew we couldn't keep it a secret any longer, we set to planning the perfect (second) reveal.  We knew 4th of July was the perfect excuse for a family-wide gathering. Neither of us really knew what to say, so we thought we'd let the picture do the talking.  I took paper plates and cut slits in them so that we could pop our "bun in the oven" picture in the middle.  I think they turned out pretty cute--

When it was time to eat we passed out the plates and let everyone find out at the same time.  It was a lot of fun!

me and the new grandparents :)

The big reveal

So, I took a test on a whim one morning after Nathan had already gone to work. I wasn't really expecting it to be positive, because nothing really felt different and we had barely even started trying to have a baby. Yet there were the two little pink lines!

The result being that I had to keep this secret all day long. It was hard or rather, ridiculously crazy, insanely hard! It did however give me plenty of time to craft the revealing of our huge news.

With so much on my mind, work was pretty much a wash that day (sorry Steve!). In reading online, a lot of women talked about sticking a hamburger or hot dog bun in the oven and letting their husband figure it out. Most of the guys didn't get it, and I was betting Nathan wouldn't either. I knew it would need to be a little more "in your face". As fate would have it, I had already announced to Nathan that morning that we would be having breakfast for dinner. Nathan loves cinnamon rolls. I find them sickeningly sweet, but he can't get enough of them. Maybe one day I'll break down and make them from scratch so there is at least some redeeming quality to them, but I digress. So there it was, my grand plan. Make cinnamon rolls, and then put the big announcement in icing all around it (after everything cooled of course). When I picked Nathan up, I told him there was a special surprise for dinner, but I had to leave it baking in the oven. When we got home I asked him to run in and check it out for me. Worked like a charm!

Then we sat down and enjoyed our little meal: